Moving in with Mum - That Other Vietnamese Thing

Well, Mum moved in with us actually.

The dreaded mother-in-law. Is it all that bad?

Chi and I made the decision earlier this year to sell Mum's house in Binh Thanh and have her move in with us. Chi's mum can't see well and needs taking care of (see Chi's Story). There was only so long we could continue to let her live by herself (albeit with a maid visiting to cook and clean) in a crowded, dirty alleyway. Bless her though she still walked to the zoo every morning with a friend for exercise.We have the opportunity to invest the money from the house into some land, probably out in Cu Chi where grandma lives. I think Cu Chi is nice countryside and not too far from the city. We are hopefully looking at some land by the Saigon River up there next week.

The house was surprisingly easy to sell - took about a month during which time we had various interested parties come and go. I was dubious we'd ever sell it because it is in a 'project'. One day the house will literally be sliced in half to widen the alley that runs down one side of it. It's not that big to start with...the timescale is unknown and even the local people's committee couldn't say when this would happen. Chi was told 'in 20 years' and she thinks that was less than 10 years ago...anyway, the house was sold.

It was a big move - Mum lived there for 28 years having bought the house for 1 tael of gold. I know Chi really wanted her brother to see the place he spent the first year of his life when he returns to Vietnam, but the time was right to make the move. The parks and quiet streets in Phu My Hung are perfect for Mum to walk around and exercise in safety, her diet has improved, and of course she gets to spend as much time as she wants with her first granddaughter. All in all, I know shes more comfortable with us, living a better, healthier and happier life.

A month has been and gone since the move. Along with the mother-in-law comes the necessity of a live in maid..looking after Mum AND Lou and Connections is obviously a little too much for Chi! We had to say goodbye to our first maid, it wasn't working out. Another was due tomorrow but is now not coming, so Chi has arranged the friend of a friend's Aunt...we'll see...

Hmm, the maids - that could be That Vietnamese Thing 3.

Reunited!

This was the moment it all happened...

Chi's brother, Jean-Baptiste, wasn't shy or awkward at this emotional moment, rather dignified and mature. He held Chi as she greeted him. I am in the background, choking on the local pollution or something. Not sure. After the meeting it was five days of French style hospitality with Chi's brother's large family, meeting various Aunts and Uncles, culminating in an 18 person luncheon at the family home. We ate sumptuously, we (or at least I) drank copiously, with lunch blending into dinner, after meal spirits blending into aperitifs. We spent three nights in a chalet overlooking Geneva and Mount Blanc. A far cry from the dusty highways and manic streets of Saigon.

We even managed to sneak in a trip to Switzerland to wander around Lake Geneva and gawp at ridiculously expensive watches, suits and cars.

Thanks to the local knowledge of our hosts, Chi was smuggled into this exclusive corner of Europe over the border via a back road, no visa. Despite our attempts to attract the attention of the Swiss gendarmes , she returned to France successfully.

Previously, we had enjoyed several enjoyable but expensive nights in Paris.

In the Louvre, here's what you face if you want to get close to the Mona Lisa.

Chi's story

When my wife's brother was born, she was only nine years old. During the birth, Chi's mother had some complications (what exactly I can't gather) and her brain was starved of oxygen for a short time. Her recovery was long, spending a month in the HCMC woman's hospital before being moved to District 5's Cho Ray. Eventually she recovered to today being able to function normally, but was left partially sighted. After the time of birth, she was obviously unable to take care of the baby boy Dai, and her sister helped her through the first year. Chi's aunt took care of the baby, whilst Chi lived with another aunt. At weekends, Chi would visit her baby brother and her mother. Chi's father who was responsible for the 24 hour care of her mother seemed to be overwhelmed by his duties and the situation, turning instead to drinking and gambling. It wasn't much later after Chi's mother regained her health that she pressed through with a divorce. Previously, she had been the main breadwinner in the family, whilst her husband was just a waiter. It was her inability to work due to her eyesight and the lack of support from her husband which made a very difficult decision become real. Here is Dai at one year old with his mother.

Through an arrangement with a friend, Dai was adopted by a French family. Here they are, in HCMC, visiting Chi's house. Right is Chi's mother, left her Aunt who cared for Dai through the first year.

Chi's mother insisted that no money was involved, the only condition was that the families stay in touch, which they have done without fail over the years, sending photos, letters, cards and emails. The pain of such a decision was tempered by the knowledge that Dai was being bought up in a happy family, getting a good education and enjoying all the things he wouldn't have had in Vietnam.

Meanwhile, Chi and her mother lived together. Chi revealed to me only yesterday that her mother had seriously considered a similar fate for her, but in the end decided against it. By Grade 6, Chi was shopping at the market and preparing basic meals for herself and her mother. By the middle of Grade 8, she was working at the Saigon Horse Racing track selling tickets at weekends.

Over in France Jean-Baptiste (Dai) was continuing his growth and education.

First day at school...

Today Jean-B is a strapping 15 years old and doing well at school. Chi is so immensely proud she is fit to burst.

A week today, Chi and I will fly to Paris. After three nights wandering the streets and savouring the atmosphere we will catch a train three hours south east to the town of Besancon. Here Chi will be reunited with her brother for the first time since he left Vietnam as a one year old baby. Discussion of this event is already banned in our house for fear of the waterworks starting. It will be an emotional few days for us when we drive to stay in Gex, the hometown of JB and family, up in the mountains of the Jura region just a few kilometers from Geneva.

For Chi especially, I hope this is the start of a great relationship with her brother and his wonderful family -- the heartbreak she feels from what happened will I hope in some way be forgotten as they meet for the first time as adults. . The events 15 years ago shaped Chi's entire life and personality -- and all she wants most of all is a happy family. It's something she has missed out on for so long.